Auf Wiedersehen

From the day I started this blog, I knew that something like this would come towards the end. Auf Wiedersehen or goodbye in German.

It has been a crazy 6 months as a student and the experiences have been that of a lifetime. There has been equal amount of struggle, hardwork, madness and emotional trauma! Wow!

I have been very very lucky and fortunate to have been part of this whole programme and its just overwhelming to even write a goodbye note.

Thank you everyone who has made it possible for me to be here and make it through.

Thank you.

The Countdown

Its D minus 9, departure minus nine. Nine days to get back.
Its overwhelming and a mix of different emotions that are felt as of now. It has been a wonderful, struggle filled, crazy six months and so much has been learnt. Not its unbelievable that its getting over.

There is so much still left to do but time is flying. Wonder if it will be possible to.

9. The magic number. Or maybe not. 

New Toothpaste

The toothpaste is getting over and now I'm in a dilemma. I dont know whether I should buy a huge one or not, should I look at sharing toothpaste with one of the guys or just get one and be happy with it. 

A big one would mean I would waste quite a lot, a small one would mean I would have to scrimp and scrounge over it and sharing one would be definitely very very awkward. How much is it about the wastage, the toothpaste or the sharing? It figures that its more about wrapping up things here and leaving soon. Even something as small and important as toothpaste makes me realise that.

Its a strange, sinking and strong feeling. Like Im getting uprooted from someplace I have been quite a while. Its also a feeling that I dont know how to handle. 

PS: I did myself a favour and bought the cheapest toothpaste. 

Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte

From the day I realised that Germany was the original birthplace of the Black Forest Cake, I was determined to find it somehow. Joining me in my quest was Rajesh. It felt like a mystery that we had to solve before we left for India.

We asked around, tried looking for it ourselves but there was no luck. I even posed a question on the class forum here, but nothing seemed to help. People mentioned a bakery, but when I looked there, it wasn't available. Someone told me that they ate it at their Grandmothers place only and not outside.

Heartbreaking. But Asja told me that I may find it in a restaurant here but it might be a little expensive. After conveying that to Rajesh, we decided to take the chance and go eat it someday. Sunday afternoon, we headed out on our quest to find the World's Most Amazing Cake and to my surprise we found the place without a huge effort. I was prepared with a chit that had the correct German name and everything, just in case we couldn't pronounce the correct name.

We found our way into the beautiful restaurant, stared at all the cakes there and tried figuring out The One, but couldnt see it. My heart was sinking. I then handed over the small chit of paper, before I could open my mouth and utter the name. The server saw the name, kept the chit down, asked me in German if I wanted the small or the big and once I answered, he nodded his head in agreement and carried on.

There it was. Ther torte. I couldnt take my eyes off it, felt like a 5 year old staring into a candy shop. He beautifully cut the cake into two halves, served it on a plate and kept it on the glass top. It was now ours. So gorgeous it was. The first bite was heaven, and the next few were even better.

I didnt want to even compare the Indian versions of this cake to what I ate but just couldn't help but do that. It was yum and so beautiful. Rajesh and I sighed, high fived over our success and finished it merrily.

Oh how wonderful that Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte was, as well as the experience. Never forgetting this one!

Aline

Not an English typo error .Not my favourite German word.
Its the word that hits me most-Aline, meaning Alone.

A word I always shudder to use, because it reflects a lot on my mood. But today I have to use it and have to say it-- I feel alone and very badly so. The past few months have taught me a lot, and I have been very open to learning.

But the sense of being alone is the scariest kind, especially when you dont what to expect ahead. Thats the trouble. Constantly surrounded by people, I still feel alone. Its scary and very difficult to handle. Its something you just cannot learn to overcome. Through time, I have fought the feeling but there comes a point when it hits you and it hits you hard and then you just give up. I think I just did. Not on myself, but on the so many things and people around me.

Sometimes you have to fight it all alone. And being alone can only make you stronger. Lets hope it does.

The opposite of aline is alles, and I wait for the time and occasion to use it. 

Whirlwind January

They had warned me about January and how hard hitting it would be. But as they say, you never know until it hits you.

January 2013 was indeed a whirlwind. Project submissions, meeting, last few days with other International students and hell loads of work. No time to even breathe. I could feel January passing like sand passing through my fingers.

Crazy work schedules, lots of pressure and even more tension. There is still lots to do, and the crazy January is now over but I think its passed it on to February. Oh no!

The Last Lesson

It was the last lesson today, of what we started from the beginning. German language lessons.
Till last week I used couldn't believe that this day would arrive. When it happened, it just happened and passed. I dont think I will ever forget this day.

Today of all days, the other three couldn't make it to the class and it was me alone, with Frau Kaiser and one empty room and strangely I felt very empty inside too, because it would mark the end of something that I could never ever believe.

Every week our classes started with Frau Kaiser's usual greetings and discussions about the day, the weekend and a couple of jokes here and there. Today also it was that. Nothing seemed different but it being the last time, it was. She then nicely and very cheerfully told me that I had passed the exam that we had given last week. Relieved I was. I mean, I was really worried that I wouldn't clear the exam but it seems like I did. Phew!

We began the German lesson and practised some reading, some grammar and the usual things. We even discussed last weeks question paper and what all could have been done better. She told me that I was better in an everyday class and not for a test (or atleast I think I she said that). During the course of the class, I couldnt help but drift into the past five months that I had spent with her in that same classroom, every Tuesday, studying a language that I never thought I would.

Frau Kaiser and I shared a strange bond, for over five months, I grew close to her because of her undying patience, her concern for our German learning, her understanding towards us and her plain loyalty towards everything she spoke off. We have had numerous conversations about my dog, her horse, my parents, her hobbies, almost everything under the sun.  She's almost 60 and she bikes around the city, walks as a hobby, has a pet horse and ensures that her Man cooks for her every evening. I appreciate her for the wonderful woman and teacher she is.

So finally today, when it was time to leave, in her usual tone of gratitude, she said thank you and wished me luck. She stopped at that. It usually used to be followed with a 'till the next Tuesday' or ' till next time' but this time it didn't. I couldnt help but go up to her, give her a small note that I wrote for her  and ask her for one picture with me. Since there was no one else around, we had to stick to a self-click. After 10 trials, we managed something.

She shook my hand, hugged me and said it was lovely to have been here. And I couldn't have agreed more.

To Frau Kaiser and the wonderful German lessons!
Probably what I'll miss the most about Germany, unknowningly.

More than Half Way

Its unbelievable how time has flown. We are into more than halfway through our stay in Deutschland and it struck me quite late in the day. Wow, its been a strange past couple of months. Life has changed, systems have changed, everything around has changed.

Recently, I was marking my 'day to leave' on the planner. Until I hadn't realised how close it actually is. Two months more and we are off. Time is flying and its also time to make the best of it. Its been a wonderful journey till now, with ups and downs, many lows and as many highs, but all part of the deal.

Working hard has been part of these three months, and working harder will be for the next two months. Lets hope I dont crack under the pressure. More than halfway done, I have finally begun to settle in, but I also realise that I need to start thinking about leaving! That makes me happy and sad. Its like being torn in two directions between these emotions.

These last two months are the months where we make it or break it. And do it well. We have to.
I hope so. I really hope so.

Three months! Phew!

(Crazy) Day Planner

The past couple of weeks have been crazy, to say the least. Its been all about appointments, project reports, thinking of things, planning events and what not! I have actually been going pretty mad keeping up with thing. Phew! Apologies if the posting on Die Gilbe have been ignored!

Upon my arrival and settling here, I had bought myself a planner, because I usually keep myself up-to-date with the help of that. The cover seemed a wee bit boring to me, so I decided to jazz it up with a perky yellow plastic cover I found in the stationery! Well, lets just say it added a lot more value than I expected it too. The planner came to me on time, because I had just started to learn German and since it was an all German one, I could begin to recognise words like days, holidays and some other peculiar things found in a calendar. So it excited me a lot! Morover, I have had a thing for making lists, writing down things and doing everything on paper!

Since it was brand new initially, I decided not to write too much in it, it made me feel like I would spoil it. But I would stare at it for long times and sigh in sheer appreciation for something like time. I marked out special days like festivals back home, but for the longest time I didnt write down a lot of things.

Slowly, the planner became my everyday task to see, task to write in and task to think about. A lot of the influence came from people around me who used it. There was always something to write in it and something to refer to.

Until recently. I hadnt noticed how much I wrote on it. The last week was one of my busiest (atleast was planned to be) and I couldnt believe it till I saw it from a distance. Its not that life is SO busy, maybe I like to keep it that way. Its almost like I want to do all that, and stick to doing it. I enjoy writing in it, planning my days, and getting up every morning, looking at my to-do-lists.

So, I hate admitting it, but my Yellow Book is my addiction. I cannot live without it and cant think of a day without referring to it and making my day oh-so-planned. Its like Im dependent on it completely and maybe, its a nice feeling. Maybe.

Planners, are lovely. Must admit.

My German Best Friend

So far along, I have never felt so loved and so much warmth. Until so much so today. Here's why:

When I joined the University, I was completely lost. Thats the least degree I can explain. While I was helped so much by Asja and Christoph, it was only limited to an academic level that they could manage. Asja went out of her way to help me as much as she could, with appointments, translations and what not. But guess I still couldn't figure out some stuff.

So then came the GBF (German Best Friend). My tutor told me she would assign someone to help me with my studies here. Well, I wasnt sure it would happen. I was pleasantly surprised to get a nice email reply filled with welcoming wishes and lot of help. W and I spoke through emails for the longest time. I asked her about everything and she patiently replied to everything, in the perfect way. Always. I found myself whining, asking, complaining and talking about anything and everything. Such  a relief it was.

Then we finally met. She helped me figure so many things from stationery, printing at the University, random information bits and what not. I ended up talking to her and sharing my work and ideas and discussing all sorts of things. So much I learnt from her. We have shared meals and she's helped me find a printer in the town, advised me on some shoes and I have given her random updates. We have had so many conversations over networking sites, W helped me through a lot.

Until recently, we never discussed things in German but  I started using few words and trying my German with her. She always corrects my tense, helps me get the correct word and quizzes me. I love answering them, because I know it'll only help me. But what surprised me was today, W handed me over a book from her childhood that was a nursery rhyme book filled with pictures of animals and illustrated beautifully. She also told me that it was filled with some scribbles of.

Well, I'm sure if so many people weren't around, I would have cried. I couldn't believe it. It was not about the book, but the idea and the thought of her, its difficult to explain the happiness and warmth I felt that moment. It was beautiful. I was so proud and so happy, that I flaunted the book to my German teacher and she couldn't stop smiling either. Here I was in a foreign land without too (m)any friends and no family, and one thing from a friend  made me so happy. It made me believe that its possible to feel warm when its cold, feel loved with new people and that small things can make so much of a difference. So much of a difference.


My German Best Friend. Here's to you, W.
Lots of love!

Pictures of the lovely book!

Sundays

Sundays are strange. In every way. Especially if I draw a comparison between my sundays back home and here. Not that its special in any sort of way, infact its rather the same as any other day. But its still different.

The only thing that makes me uneasy is that everything is shut, almost everything. Its wonderful that everyone gets one whole day to take a break but its scary because it males me feel like I am trapped. Its something that is rather difficult to explain.

Perhaps the only thing I look forward to are my Sunday brunches. I take full effort to make myself a hearty breakfast cum lunch and that makes me happy in sort of way. Its relaxing and allows me to free my mind a lot more.

Sundays are also days where I try and update my blog and relax as well.  Sundays are also days when I end being very grateful for a lot of things. Its a day I think a lot. 

First Snowfall

Its December. Finally.
What I expected was not the snow so early, I mean you dont think about when it will come along your way, huh? The weather predictions were made for snow for the Saturday, but that didnt happen. I was disappointed.

Sunday started early and suddenly, Tanya came running to the kitchen, all excited about the 'snowfall'. It had started! I screamed and leaped in joy and we did a small 'woohoo' dance!

It also took me back to the first snowfall I had ever seen. I was hardly 8, but I remember it clearly. My folks and I were in the house, cooped up, them drinking tea and me getting highly bored because of not  being allowed to leave the house, thanks to the cold. This time, Ma screamed and leaped. It was snow indeed. We went out, made snow men and played around. Oh what fun! I still remember the entire scene in my head. It was magical.

This time around, I was excited too, but maybe not so much because I knew it would happen. But it was my first German snow and we did make the best of it, by going out for a walk and sharing the white joys! I will always remember that Sunday, of my first abroad snow!

But that day also reminded of the fact that its going to be a long winter ahead. Im unsure how to feel about that. 

The beauty of communication

So, I needed a change and decided to visit the beauty saloon here. I mean it was about time. After some major searching and looking for the perfect one, I found this one accidentally.

I charged into the room, all excited, till I realised that Bahar spoke no English and I spoke no German. The first time, it wasn't an issue, since it was a small beauty thing to be done and I had my German Best Friend along, so that was cool.

The next time I was alone and well, pretty excited to try out a haircut, for some refreshing change in life and yeah, feel good. Bahar welcomed me with a warm smile and asked about my Mother (we had a broken conversation about my Mum last time). Bahar was loving and warm, if I could, I would give her a warm warm hug!!

What followed next was beautiful. She said something in German about my hair, I told her in English what I wanted, she said something again, we communicated through signs and actions and I closed my eyes for the rest of the haircut session.

Needless to say, it looked great and we both smiled like never before.

Ahh, so much happiness. For a change.
Here's to Bahar and to the beauty of communication!

Conditioner for Shampoo

I'd have to say this is the point when I feel helpless and extremely annoyed. Till now, I have told myself that stuff happens and its part of the deal, but today I'm plain annoyed.

It may sound like a petty issue, but an experience like that makes me think, wonder and question a lot of stuff. So I bought shampoo once, in the hope of some good care for my hair, it turned out that I had bought conditioner. Fair enough, my mistake, I didnt do my homework of word searching and associations. Next time I'll be more careful.

So I went to buy toiletries again earlier last week. Confident that I'll pick up the correct one this time, I headed to the shelf, picked up after some grave study, a nice, 'intensive care' shampoo. Great. Lets pamper the hair soon, I thought.

This morning, I wanted to apply it, only to find it was conditioner. My hair is now a wet mix of conditioner and oil, and its very very ugly. Its giving me a headache. Argh!  I cant even think anymore, Im so annoyed. Im not whining, I'm just expressing my concern for such bad experiences that happen 'once in a while' in a foreign land. This helpless feeling is one of the worst things that could happen. The worst.

Lonliness

Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I am where I am. Its great. But , there comes a time, when you feel low and lonely and its one of the worst feelings. I was warned by many that it would happen, I always thought that I would be prepared for it, but I guess you know only when it hits you.

I miss home, family, comforts and small smalle everyday things. But its all part of the deal, I tell myself.

Im hoping its a phase that will pass soon and it shall be fine soon.

Inclusion

At the Global Sustainability Jam, I was part of a Creativity Jam at Hamburg, North Germany. Initially I was skeptical to attend it, due to the fact that it would mainly be in German. But I was told that things would be translated as and when required, and shouldn't pose as a problem. I decided not to skip the opportunity and be part of something so global.

It turned out to be a lot more than I expected. Initially, things were translated exclusively for me, and the instructions I followed without much problem. It worked for me, somehow. But the team I was part of, made the effort and very wonderfully so, of talking only in English, to me and to each other. It was overwhelming, to say the least. The thing that changed and turned everything around was one presentation. The speakers asked what everyone preferred and the first answer was German. But there was someone, who strongly said that it should be done in English, not because he didnt speak German, but because he thought it would be correct to do so. I wanted to clap and scream bravado, but controlled myself. The only word that could define the moment was gratefulness and some sort of 'support'.

The next day, while the instructions were being given, there was a two language approach that was taken, once in English and once in German. To which someone from the participants, again, asked and I quote "Why don't we do a check of many of us actually need German, because we dont follow English" and not one hand went up. Oh, it was beautiful, I wanted to cry, I think. I was blown out of my mind, because it wasn't me who asked for it, wanted it, but one among the group itself. 

From that moment on, there was English and yes, spurts of German, but everyone was comfortable with how it worked.

I dont know how to put it in words, but its a feeling that I felt for the first time in Germany, of inclusion. Something I was yearning for. And it took me one month, away from the 'town I live in', away from aquaintainces and among a bunch of people I met over a weekend.

Inclusion, is a wonderful thing. 

All in A Day's Work

Routine is beautiful. Im a fan. It helps me live better and breathe better too. Usually, that is.

But since the time we got here, i havent been able to set one for myself. it is something i wasnt able to control myself. For in a new land, things will be different and take time to get used. Fair enough. one month passed. Full of fun, frolic and all that jazz.

Honestly Im not a fan. The too much fun makes me guilty and feels like a waste of time. So finally, when routine came into existence, i was probably beaming with joy. Its still not the same everyday, things move around, can be unpredictable, but it is something.

Morning are spent either waking up with a start, or lazily. With a start most of the times. Followed by 'work' on the computer with a laptop breakfast, or getting ready for a class. we live almost an hour away from the university and it involves the change of a train. So make most of it, i end up either saying my prayers on the ride or trying to read up something. i used to sketch, but it got difficult.
A class in german follows, with an english summary. Through the whole class, my eyes search for a familiar word or a sentence. Doesnt usually work. After that, some discussions happen again, in German. Lunch is at the Mensa, the student cafeteria. It usually is good and filling.  After that there is another class after an hours gap or so, but the break is spent in the library or some sort of purposeful thing.

Heading back home is usually cold. The wind can almost kill sometimes and i would freeze soon. The ride home is spent taking a nap or writing a blog post as a draft msg. Works very well. (this one is an example). Dinner is the only meal close to being home cooked, but most of the times I mess that upto. The whole process is tiring, some chopping vegs, cooking them, eating and then cleaning up. Takes almost an hour.

This is followed by some mindless time on the internet, a chat or a serial to catch up with, and then obviously feeling guilty about it. there are intermittent periods of working as well.  But it is tiring. A book reading session is something I do everynight before I sleep, something I think works best to sleep well.

Inspite of my desperate attempts at trying to maintain a routine, most of the time its not the same. Which is quite scary. Im worried. About my productivity and my courses. I waste time worrying as well. But its all in a days work. Can only hope to cope and manage.

One Language

Its funny when someone says 'oh you are Indian, you speak very good English. How come you talk to each other in English and not in Indian?' Well honestly, I think I ask question to myself almost everyday (especially after coming to a foreign land).

Its strange how we four, converse only in English and almost nothing else. Our cultural and geographical differences dont let us speak in one language. We dont have a common thread and we are all different drastically from each other, not just the way we talk, but also the way we communicate and the way we look at things. Even with our ages being relatively on the same average, we are very very different people, just from the same country. Thats where it ends.

Having said that, its a pity that we dont talk to each other in the same local language and we take the help of whats here called a 'foreign' language'. Back home too it is a foreign language, but is not treated like one. The creeping in of English in our everyday Indian lives has left us dependent on it and in some way struggling for unity. Personally I feel bad for us, its more of a shame than anything else. I dont mean any offence to anyone or anything. Its a personal opinion.

Globally, every country has its own language and thats what I have seen here as well. The Chinese talk to each other in Chinese only, the Japanese in Japanese only, the French, in French only, iItalians in Italian only, so and so forth. Barring the fact that language, first, is a barrier, it is also something that collects people together and helps them identify themselves. Thats usually a good thing.

Somehow, I still feel uncomfortable that geographical differences are our only cause of such a division.

Super Germans

Thats what I call them here. To say that I am impressed with the way people live their lives would be an understatement.

Everything is properly planned, accounted for and dealt with in a beautiful manner. Organised meticulously and thoughtfully, the routine is becomes as beautiful as the work and people. An ordinary day that involves work, play and party perfectly. They are never late, always impeccably turned out and with work done. Its not just a work thing, its a student thing as well. They work, they jog, they shop, they play, they drink beer, they entertain, they take care of kids, all of it.

Everyone has a planner or a diary of sorts, where everything is written, planned and accounted for. Its something that I practised back home,(from a diary to to do lists, et all) and felt strange about it. But here, it feels just as awesome. Only thing, I cant do it as much and as well.

I sometimes wonder how they actually manage everything. It must require some special planning and tools. Or maybe its just a way of living, incorporated beautifully for everyone.

Its something I will always struggle to achieve, perfection in almost everything.

Appreciation & Comparison

While we live in an entirely new environment, culture and system, its obvious that things will not go our way and we may not like everything that is around us. But I think we must appreciate what has been provided to us, however frustrating and annoying it may get.

I say this because, I for myself, lose hope and get annoyed with things if they are not going ok. Its a new experience and all a part of learning. We must appreciate everything and learn from it along the way. If the experience is bad, it would be best to treat it as a learning one. Its not something I do always, but I'm hoping to soon.

Everywhere we go its German. Obviously it will be. German people, German language, German classes, German lessons. Honestly, it is difficult to get used to an entirely new language and system and then hope to cope. But thats the reason why we are here, to learn from everything around us. Appreciation of things around, from classes, faculty, products, people, systems will only help.

A mere comparison between cultures and nations works for a while, but beyond that I think its positively called whining. Isn't it about learning from all spheres and experiences, however hard they maybe and however 'not-so-nice' they maybe in our dictionary. Comparisons work, if one wants to leave it at just that. Acceptance from the new system will also come only when one is ready to learn.

Its a pity how much time we waste on comparing, stereotyping, whining and complaining, when we should be having more of an acceptance and appreciation priority on the agenda. Its that moment when I say 'Get over it'.